Saturday, February 18, 2012

Second Guess Much?

Do you ever get all excited about a decision and then spend the moments or days or weeks after feeling overwhelmed by your choice? For most people, joining a gym, starting a blog, or going out with friends is a happy decision met with excitement and anticipation of what's to come. Well, for me, undoubtedly, it is met with a major case of the "what have I done's?" This is closely followed by "I wonder if I can get out of it?" It doesn't even have to be a major decision. It probably doesn't require anything more than committing to something I wanted to do in the first place. On the surface there is absolutely nothing to worry about. However, I struggle every day to just go ahead and try new things, do something out of my comfort zone (which includes most things),  or associate with people I don't know very well. Easy enough for the average person; a large mountain to climb for me. I'd like to say I'm getting more comfortable with these every day occurrences, and in a way that is true. My children have given me a buffer so that it is not me that is the focus of anyone's attention. Most of what I do is centered around them - appointments, play dates, school - regular mom stuff. I'm very happy and content in that role. I never want my children to worry the way I did, hesitate to accept a play date because they are frightened of other people's houses, not play soccer because they don't know the coaches (yes, in second grade I ran all the way home from the school because I was afraid of the coaches), worry about performing in a school play because (gasp) people might see them. If I do nothing else, I plan to teach them confidence and a sense of adventure. And if I am able to do that, then I suppose that is one decision I won't have to second guess.

1 comment:

  1. Hey T,
    Let me start by saying I loved this post. Your honesty and vulnerability are refreshing and courageous. That being said, let me tell you that most people DO feel these same underlying insecurities. (Though you won’t see them blogging about it! That takes a certain kind of bravery.) We all want to be liked, accepted, good at something, we all fear stepping out of our "comfort zones". That's why they are called "comfort" zones! ;) For me, life has forced me out of my comfort zones time after time, sometimes by commitments I have made (and potentially regret), sometimes by sheer force of Fate (which try as I may, cannot be dissuaded). And sometimes I have found, it is just time to for our spirits to move forward in their journey of self discovery and fulfillment. We are all here to have an experience in order to become the people we came here to be. These human hang- ups are obstacles but also catalysts for our growth and development! You are doing an amazing job challenging yourself and teaching your children to have the confidence, security and ease to handle this complex, creative, crazy thing called life!