It's been a long 2 years, but... I think that this might actually be the time that I kick Citalopram to the curb for good. I still don't know why getting off of it after Maggie has been so different than the boys, but I am very hopeful that this time will be successful and I can say goodbye to post-partum depression medication FOREVER! It's been about 5 very up and down weeks so far, but I've managed to get farther in the process this time than either attempt at weaning before now.
Interestingly the side effects to weaning off this medication are the same as the symptoms that lead you to take it in the first place. I am first in line to say that makes no sense at all. All it does is lead you to believe that you are heading back down the PPD road when it's part of the transition back to every day medication-free life. It takes strength and determination to make the decision to push through the negatives.
This time I went at it well armed for the fight. I began the weaning process very slowly. Half dosage for a month and then the half dose every other day for about another month. Now I haven't taken it in 5 weeks and I am mostly feeling okay. I've been through the headaches, sense of anxiousness for no reason, feeling lightheaded and crazy irritability. I'm hopeful that those are gone now for good. I still have nights where my body doesn't let me sleep. That has always been the symptom that forced me back onto the medication because I can't function after a week's worth of sleepless nights. But this time I am trying some homeopathic herbs that a relative made for me to help me sleep at night. So far so good. I only have to use it occasionally now so my body is slowly figuring out how to get back to its own normal.
I won't be jumping for joy and screaming that I am all better yet, but I am optimistic that I have made it through this battle and can now move on with my life. I have loved the having babies process, but dealing with the resulting PPD each time has taken a toll. It's time to be me again. I think I've earned that.