I have enjoyed writing forever. As long as I can remember I have been able to sit down and write papers, letters, etc. without any trouble. Until now. Recently I have been dealing with a major writer's block. It's not that I don't have anything to say because I have at least a dozen posts swirling around in my head waiting desperately for me to release them onto my keyboard. There is so much I want to share and more importantly document for myself, but it has been a struggle. A struggle that I am unfamiliar with and is causing me to feel more and more uneasy as I have never had any difficulty expressing myself before.
I know that much of what I've been wanting to write about is related to my overall well-being and how I have had a hard couple of months. I can't seem to pull myself together enough to focus my energy on writing. I have taken on many more projects than I probably should have but I enjoy them all so I wouldn't want to set anything aside, but there has been a major learning curve figuring out how it can all fit into my life right now. I not only love blogging, I need it. For me it is therapy and maybe that is why I have been feeling overwhelmed. Without my daily outlet I am carrying the storm in my head around with me without formulating what I'm feeling into cognizant thoughts. I'm even stumbling through this post because I have so much to say and I simply can't tie it up into a tidy little package.
Our house is under renovation and I do not do well with chaos. I need things to run smoothly without a lot of surprises or loose ends. My house is a gigantic loose end right now. We have a plan and it is currently being executed, but it's living in the transition that makes me crazy. I want it all done so that once again everything can have a proper place and I won't have to move something new everyday to make way for that day's progress. The chaos of my home leads to the chaos in the rest of my life. When I'm out of sorts in one area it tends to transfer so it constantly feels like things are left undone, unfinished and out of place in my home, my life and my head. Ahhh! It makes me want to go away and come home when it's all done! I know that it's all normal, but I still don't like it.
I know that things will even out soon enough, but I'm impatient for the change. I feel like I could break at any time. I never get enough sleep (I know, get in line with that complaint), I'm always picking up after 4 other people plus the construction mess and I have another craft fair coming up this weekend. Boy do I cherish those weekends of sitting in a tent when I can do nothing else but be still and enjoy the experience. In two weeks I'm headed to Maine for a Beth Moore event. I am literally counting down the hours. I'm very hopeful that it will refresh me and give me the strength I need to get over this bump. I hope that soon enough the words will again begin to flow and I will be able to get back to my blogging therapy. As is evident in this post, I really need it.